Phobia
by Who really Knows
Summary: Gaara once lived his life in terrors of uncertainty, but never imagined they would lead him to horrors unspeakable in the once place he would seek help. What will happen when he finds out he wasn't everything he thought he was, what if he finds out he's so much more? Warning: Abusive and suicidal themes. Gaara/Naruto?pairing, Test Chapters! want more review
1. Chapter 1

**A dark fic ;) enjoy, man it's been so long since I've written for Gaara, I almost forgot him O-O**

**Warnings: Suicide themes, and depression**

**Three chapter preview, reviews help me decide its life expectancy XD MWAHAHAHAHA…..sorry, I've been staying away from evil stories for too long, its making my evil side take over.**

**Chapter one:**

**I died! HA, ok ok, im sorry here ya go:**

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**Chapter one: Stop**

Does anyone know?

Do they know what it's like to drown in a sea of ebony, to wake up and wonder just what we are all living for anyway? Ants in the universe, is that all we really are? Existing just to exist, or is there much more to life than that.

A pain in my side throbbed, but I ignored it as I let the cool hospital tile lick my wounds. How long had I been on its surface? An hour, maybe minutes. How long have I been here? Since I first attempted the eternal plunge, since the last time I saw my sisters face, since the moment of realizations years ago. But time doesn't matter, time is insignificant. I picked myself up off the ground and stretched as much as my body would allow, old injures sour about new ones to keep them company.

I don't know, I guess there is more to life. Friends, prosperity, that little thing called happiness. Humans need the sunlight; they need to bath in it, glorify in its rays and scrub away knowing flaws.

There was just one problem with that for me. I can't feel the warmth, I can't feel the burn or the bruise, I can't_ feel_. It's all gone now, stolen away by every little thing. I can't even pretend to know what it's like, because it's just not existent within me.

I guess at the end of the day there is only one question rolling around in my head.

Does anyone know what it's like to be so numb?

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**If I do continue, I will probably go back and edit these chapters just a tad, you know with plot development and all that jazz. But if I do, I will post EDITED in the summary thing.****The reason why Phobia doesn't to start with, as far as plot goes, is to show his insanity and how out of tune and spacey he is compared with the rest of reality. So if you keep reading and think the first few chapters are weird, don't worry because as the story progresses it gets better. You will even notice chapters steadily increasing.**


	2. Chapter 2

**IMPORTANT: This chapter is a flashback chapter! It shows you how he got there in the first place!**

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**Chapter Two: Being**

Swarming bodies, crawling chattering, glances without seeing; this is school. I'm not seen because I'm not really there. Who am I to them? A quiet kid, a random kid, a kid they don't know? And if they don't know me, if they don't bother to at least assume some sort of identity for me then do I really exist?

If I don't exist, then why bother with reality, or anything else.

The day was long as usual. When I returned home my sister was setting up plates at the dinner table, she saw me and said with a timid voice that I knew was not her normal tone, "Hey Gaara are you going to join us for dinner today?"

I just stared at her, unsure of what to say. If I replied yes then that meant I would have to either participate in conversation with the chances of making a mistake or my family would spend the whole time making me feel even more hesitant with their gawking. If I replied no, then I could just eat at a separate time like normal, in peace from anything unpleasant.

I wanted to eat now, since I was planning on it being my special and final time to indulge in the pleasures of normal people. But at this time I don't really feel hunger. I turned around to head for my room, opting to just not speak at all even though it bothered me that it was a rude way to go about doing things, but what could I do.

I couldn't help it I was nervous today was my final day amongst the masses.

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**REVIEW DARN YOU! And i know these seem really short, but they will get longer with the addition of more characters slowly and as he becomes more aware of his surroundings. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Last one! Now we are going to build up to that beginning chapter moment from here on out!**

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**Chapter Three: A Loser**

My actions are a product of severe depression they say. I wonder how sadness can be measured. Is the human heart really all that simple? Is the human mind? What if some people are just driven by the unknown powers of fate to feel such crushing desires like self harm, or suicide?

What if it's all they were meant for, born to die? Because in this world not everyone can be a hero, not everyone can win and not everyone can make it.

I was born a loser. Born to not meet expectations, born to be unsatisfactory in the eyes of society, born to be distanced from a world where everyone seems to have true purpose.

Born to die.

But I have accepted my purpose, my role in this world. It's nothing to cry about, hardly a reason to stick me in some place like this where all the colors exist in the form of white and quiet can be heard in the halls.

"Hey." My roommate suddenly whispered from the comfort of his sheets, his face was invisible in the darkness, the moon peeking from the window in the middle of the room lighting just the edge of his bed while I remained shrouded in darkness. "What are you in for?"

I didn't reply, simply because I wasn't interested in chatting but also because I didn't want to cause him to hate me as well. Sure, someone other than people who think they had a position of authority over me was speaking to me but it made no difference. Because in the end, everyone is the same.

I mess up and then they hate me, maybe they start out hating me.

"They say I'm depressed?" apparently my unresponsiveness did not bother him, because he just kept talking, "I don't know what they are talking about though, I'm fine. But it does seem like everybody and their mother has some type of depression around here, even the legit crazies have an issue with the damn sickness. Sucks to be too young for pills huh?"

It was, he continued to talk for another hour straight with light pauses here or there. I guess since I didn't object he didn't feel the need to stop, or maybe he was really depressed and lonely. So lonely he would rather talk into the dark than have no communication.

But who knows tomorrow he could just lay there in bed, or maybe even spend time throwing this at me like my last roommate just a day or so ago. I've only been in here a week but no matter what everyone seem to be the same when you finish sinking you teeth in and hit the bone.

I learned a long time ago that people drown in their own misery, drown in the things they know could change. But the problem is the change might just simply be against their nature. I know the change is against my nature, I can't be that guy who is smooth, commanding a room's attention just with the sound of my voice.

Because it's written in the stars, I was born to lose.

I guess that's why I ended up with a diagnosis of Avoidant personality disorder alongside my severe depression, but either way the treatment is the same; take some pills and sit around to chat.

Only the second part was proving to be a challenge, I'm so rude. The man sits there, doing his best to chat with me. Engage me. He even pretends to enjoy my company at times, and what do I do? I sit there and say nothing because I don't want to be any more of a loser, a freak, than I already am.

Because who wants to honestly have a conversation with me, the bottom of the food chain.

Because, because, because….there are millions of because's I could give. But in the end there is only one final reality.

Because I lose.

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**Now I know these chapters seem to be very vague, but chapter Four has WAY more plot development(not actually written, just in my head). This is like a test run, to see if the idea is good or not and will be received alright! SO REVIEW **


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